A Walk In My Shoes
by natangel
Summary: Harry and Albus make a deal. AU: No HBP, but OOTP spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Harry Potter. If I did I would not be sitting hear in the sweltering heat sweating profusely because I cannot afford to fix my air conditioner.

I know that I should post to my other story, and I should have it done soon... I am sorry it took so long.

Anyway on to the good stuff, I think.

The Deal

Harry Potter sat in his room nursing his newest bruises. The summer before his sixth year was turning out to be his worst one yet at Number 4 Privet Drive. He was grieving for Sirius. His Voldemort induced visions kept him awake most of the time. When he did get sleep, guilt induced nightmares woke him. And, to make matters worse his uncle thought his latest pay cut was generated by the resident "freak". To be honest with himself, his uncle had not beat him so badly since Hogwarts sent Harry his letter of acceptance. In addition to the pay cut, Uncle Vernon took personal offense to the threat the Order of the Phoenix made to his family at the start of the summer holidays. His uncle did not understand the fuss that the wizards made about "the freak". Vernon did not see Harry as more than something that was impossible to remove from the bottom of his shoe.

Harry had hope though. For he made a deal with the Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, before he left his office the fateful night that Sirius died.

Flashback

As Harry watched a tear trickling down Dumbledore's face and into his long silver beard he realized that what the old wizard said was true. Albus Dumbledore cared about Harry. Harry's small Slytherin side was already formulating a plan. He looked into the wizard's eyes and noticed that his customary twinkle was not present.

Harry took a deep breath and said, "Sir, I understand why you think I must go back to the Dursley's house. Unfortunately, I do not think that my presence there is welcome anymore. Before last summer, they could live in relative ignorance to our problems. However, last summer's Dementor attack shocked them back into the reality that my mere presence endangers them. I was wondering if I may stay at Hogwarts this summer?"

While Harry was waiting for his answer, he was formulating his arguments for staying at the school over the summer holidays. When he looked up at Professor he could already see that he was going to need to stay calm and level headed.

Professor Dumbledore looked at the young man in front of him with a sad expression, and said, "We can't bend the rules for anyone. No student is allowed to stay on campus during the summer holidays. I told you already that in your mother's blood lies the best protection for you. I am curious as to why you want to stay here though. There is nothing for a young man such as yourself to do here and I am sure that you would be bored within the day. So, why do you want to stay here?"

Harry looked at the old man and pulled his rudimentary Occlumency shields in place and said, "I do not like it there, sir. They do not like me, and to be honest with you sir, I simply refuse to go back. I cannot and will not go back there again."

The old man stood up and walked around his office, and stated almost rudely, "I cannot change the rules for you simply because you do not like it there. You must learn to work with people that do not automatically follow you."

Harry looked at the man incredulously and with a tight control of his emotions asked with glistening eyes, "Are you implying that I am some spoiled brat that just wants his own way?"

The headmaster really did not want to answer that question. Because he honestly thought, that Harry had a decent life. How could anyone, except for Severus, not like the boy? In his opinion, no one who had a bad childhood could be as naïve and trusting as Harry.

Harry, with his head bent so that the headmaster could not see his eyes, counted down the seconds trying to breathe as evenly as possible so that he would not break down into tears. When he got to 120 seconds, he raised his head and shook it sadly and said so softly that the headmaster almost had trouble hearing his response, "I see that Professor Snape is rubbing off on you. Perhaps you too see my father instead of me. That you think that I am so spoiled hurts me. I thought that you watched me more closely than that. It would appear to me that you do not see the real me. However, that is not important, sir. What is important is that instead of having a guard so far away from the wizarding world, you could assign one to me here. I could get a head start on my homework and you would be able to keep a closer eye on my actions."

"No, Harry you will be going back home to your relatives," said the old man firmly.

"Mr. Potter, sir. All year you refused to call me by my name, and you refused to meet my eyes. I understand that I am dangerous to be near. The relationship will remain the same until you see me as a person. I want you to treat me like a person with feelings instead of a … thing, no …a weapon that you can use at your discretion. Can we make a deal at least sir," asked a slightly frustrated young man.

Dumbledore looked at the young man that sat before him with a wary expression on his face before replying, "Depends on what the deal entails, Mr. Potter."

Harry got up and walked to Fawkes. After petting the magnificent bird he implored, "I want you to spend at least one day with me." He held up a hand to forestall his professor's objections, and he continued, "I would ask that you spend twenty-four hours at my home; however, my relatives would notice you, so I would like you to put an invisibility spell and a silencing spell on yourself and follow me around. I know that request sounds odd, but I want you to know what my summers entail."

Harry looked at his professor, who was sitting at his desk, deep in thought. Then he continued, "I do not want to know when you are going to visit me. I just ask that it is within the first two weeks, sir. Also, I do not wish to know that you are there. I do not want you to accuse me of setting something up, so that I can leave. After a full 24 hours, you may leave. I only ask that at the end of the two weeks you meet with me. I want to know if I am spoiled. After our talk, if you wish, I will return to the Dursley's without complaint. If I go back, though, it will be to the exact same conditions, and I ask that nothing change."

Dumbledore looked at the boy sitting in front of him. Normally, he would do a little leglimency on the boy and see what he was thinking. Unfortunately, he was not getting any reading from Harry. And, if he tried to pry, the boy would know.

He could tell the young man was getting frustrated with his stalling tactics. _I think I will get Moody and the gang to talk to the boy's relatives. They will be on their best behavior for at least two weeks and I can honestly tell the boy that he is blowing things out of proportion. And, I can check him for signs of going dark. At home, the boy will be more of himself, and I will get a good look at his true intentions. If he is dark, I can and will Obliviate his memory of this talk._

Albus smiled inwardly as he noticed Harry starting to squirm impatiently in his chair. "All right, Mr. Potter I will do it."

The Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry had not idea what he had signed up for. But, instead of Harry appearing happy, he seemed sad. He was shocked because the boy had just got his way.

End of Flashback

Yes, Harry Potter was sitting on his bed hoping that the Albus Dumbledore would honor his end of the deal.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wrong… I have never been so wrong in my life", he thought quietly to himself. Albus Dumbledore the greatest wizard that ever lived sat in a small bedroom, helpless and in shock. He recalled the deal that he had made with the young man lying unconscious on the floor. He had been here for a mere two hours and he knew how wrong he had been sending the boy home. _No, not home, to his own personal Hell. _ He knew that he could not do anything before the two weeks was up. But, was he going to do anything? Mr. Potter had to remain with his relatives for the blood protection to work. Can I leave him here though? If I let him leave he will know that he won, and he will be less manageable. Decisions…decisions, which one is the right one though?

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"YOU STUPID FREAK," yelled the big fat man who came running into Harry's bedroom after being awoken by one of the most heart wrenching screams that Albus had ever heard. Albus had chosen to watch Harry Potter in accordance with the deal made before the school year ended He decided that he would watch him from 3:00 am to 3:00 am the following morning. He figured that he could take sleep. He honestly thought that he had his time well. He had just settled into a bed that he conjured before Harry started screaming at the top of his lungs.

I guess that is from his nightmares. He is just shaking there in bed, screaming like someone is killing him. By the way that the fat man is yelling, I guess that this is a nightly occurrence. I must pay attention to what he is saying. "You woke me up you freak of nature," yelled the man that Albus took to be the boy's uncle. He sat there and watched as the man got a belt from the armoire. Albus noticed that the belt was worn and stained a dark color. Upon further reflection, he realized that blood stained the belt. "You will pay for this you worthless imbecile," whispered Vernon. "I will enjoy making you pay." The boy woke up saying, "I am sorry Uncle Vernon. I didn't mean to..." He looked around and saw that he was in for a punishment. He looked sick, but accepting. "You know what to do boy."

Albus watched as Harry wordlessly took his shirt off . Albus watched as the fat man turned on the light. He was shocked by the state he found his favorite student. The boy was so skinny that he could count all of Harry's rib bones. There were bruises and cuts all over the young man. He could see wounds that had not healed properly, still bleeding, and he could see that some of the wounds were infected. He had seen the remains those that the Death Eaters tortured, and he was sure that they were more kind to their hostages than the man in front of him.

He watched as the normally brave and defiant young man quietly lay across the bed so that there would be nothing between the belt and his back. He watched as a horrendously fat young man came into the room and told his father," I told mom that she should go to sleep, and that we would take care of the Freak." The fat man just looked at his son with pride and grunted.

He made motions with his hands that the young man obviously understood. The young man tied Harry's hands together and he put a dirty sock in the boy's mouth so that he would not make any noise during the beating. Albus sat horrified and saw the men taking turns hitting Harry with anything that they could get their hands on from the blood stained belt to a cricket bat, to their fists. He watched as they belittled his magical talents, his parents, his friends, and the crack pot old fool that was his headmaster. They continued to yell at the boy until the pig-like young man picked Harry up and threw him head first into the wall. His uncle quietly cheered on the pig-boy. Harry got to his feet, shakily and glared at the boy. This time his uncle punched Harry in the stomach, and did the same thing.

"Harry, get up... come on, I know you can get up," Albus heard him self saying. He realized that Harry was just unconscious.

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And his family left the room leaving him as he had fallen on the floor. The beating had not taken long at all. Only an hour or so had passed. Albus levitated the young man to his bed so that he would not wake on the floor. He also cast a light healing spell on him so that the bleeding would stop. Harry does not need to be weaker than he is already.

"Freak! Wake up! You need to make breakfast, and then start your chores," yelled a high pitched female voice. _I must have fallen asleep. _Albus put his spectacles on and took out his time piece to check the time. _Merlin! It is 6:00 in the morning! What in all Hells is the whole family doing up so early. _He watched as Harry got up and said, "Coming Aunt Petunia."

He followed the boy downstairs. There he drew up a chair, and sat in a corner of the kitchen where he thought no one would run into him. Harry started breakfast. Albus could not remember how many people lived at Number 4 Privet Drive, but he was sure that by the amount of food that Harry was preparing that a whole army lived in the small house. While the boy was cooking, Albus looked around the kitchen and noticed several abnormalities. The first thing that he noticed was that there were only three chairs, and three placements around the table. He knew that pig-boy lived here, as did the fat uncle. He was sure that the owner of the third voice was his aunt. _How much do these people eat? And where does Harry sit if there are only three spots at the table._

The questions that kept pestering Albus were answered as the family descended. _About time. _Harry had steadily been cooking since six and it was now 7:30 am. He watched as the family belittled Harry. He also watched Harry serve the family as if he were a waiter. Bit by bit the food steadily disappeared. He saw the boy trying to avoid looking at the food that smelled wonderful. Albus was amazed that the small family ate all the food that Harry had cooked. He was also shocked that they never offered the thin young man any food. He saw the pig family throw away what little scraps of toast and food that they could not stuff anymore into their fat bodies.

Before the man with the mustache left for work, he handed Harry a list of chores to complete. "If you finish all of them to my satisfaction, then you might get some dinner tonight," he said to Harry.

Albus watched Harry start washing the dishes. He noticed that the boy picked up a scrap piece of toast out of the trash and wiping it off took a small bite and sigh contentedly. He heard Harry whisper, "I can't eat it all at once, I might not get to eat later. The list is huge."

After the dishes were done, Harry went outside to a tool shed and start pulling out Muggle items that were unfamiliar to the ancient Headmaster. He watched as the young boy started working on the lawn. After the lawn, he started weeding the rose garden that went around the house.

Albus cast the tempus spell and noticed that it was already 11:00 in the morning. He was astonished that the boy had not yet stopped to take a break. He was amazed that the boy could still move after the previous night. Little to no sleep, a beating, no food in the morning, and hot work in the sun were not ideal conditions for anyone, let alone a skinny child.

After the boy took care of the weeds, he stopped to take a drink of water from the water hose. But even that was cut short by shrieking from inside. Apparently Petunia did nothing all day but watch the boy work.

The horse faced woman did nothing but screech at Harry that he better start making lunch for the family before his Uncle got home. Albus watched the boy start cooking lunch. He thought that the poor skinny boy would finally get a chance to eat. Unfortunately, lunch was the same as breakfast. The whole family ate what ever was in their grasp, and threw away the little that they did not finish. Vernon looked at the boy with disgust as he said, "I see that you still have the gutters to clean out, as well as the laundry, and the housekeeping. You had better be done with it all by the time I get home. I will be here by 6 pm and the food better be hot and waiting on the table, or you will be sorry. Do you hear me Boy?"

An already working Harry, just turned to his uncle and said, "Yes sir." His Uncle just grunted and left for work again. Harry continued to wash the pots and pans from lunch and started on the used plates, when he heard Duddley beg for dessert, "But Mummy, I want a slice of the cake."

In a rare burst of parenting, Petunia stood her ground and won. Duddley, upset that he was not going to get cake, pushed Harry as he walked past him on his way out of the house. Harry's quidditch reflexes saved him from bouncing his face odd the floor, even though he still hit the ground. _I am sure that he is sore. _ Sure enough, Harry started rubbing his ribs in pain.

Six o'clock got there sooner than expected. And, of course, the boy hurt, exhausted, starving, and dehydrated did not accomplish all of the tasks.

_Another day without any food, is not anything new, and so I get an after dinner punishment. I wonder what it is this time._ "After the dishes boy, meet me in the basement, and you will get your punishment for being a lazy bum like your father."

"All right Uncle Vernon, I am almost done," replied the scared teenager. _The basement is never a good thing. Bad memories there and I don't really want to go. Maybe I can tell him that people want me dead. I am sure it will make him happy._ As Harry reached the bottom of the stairs, he did not see anything unusual. He could not see any "tools" that Vernon would use to punish him.

"Come here boy," said the purple faced man. Harry approached him with some trepidation. "I want you to get me a bottled soda from the refrigerator in the corner. Good, now open it and bring it to me."

_What is he up to? I mean watching him eat the cake and drink soda from a bottle is hardly "punishment." Wait, he is saying something. I don't want to miss what he is saying and make him madder than he already is. _

…"get me another drink now!" Uncle Vernon shouted at the tired boy.

_I HATE how scared I am around him. I better run to get that coke. Oh, yeah no looking him in the eye. I can't forget the last time I did. I hurt for months._

"Boy, I don't know where we went wrong with you. I tried to keep the freakiness out of the house. I didn't want your "unnaturalness" to taint our lives. We tried to be generous, giving you a home when no one else wanted you. I mean who leaves a baby on the door step in the middle of the night? They must have tried to pawn you off on someone else. I want you to know that you deserve everything that goes wrong in your life. Do you remember the prayer I taught you?"

"Yes sir," I replied meekly. I **hated** the prayer.

"Good, because I want to hear you say it tonight. You will get on your knees in that corner so that I don not have to see your abnormal face. Oh here take these and put them on the floor."

_What does he have in his hand? Bottle caps? He wants me to put them on the floor? Has he lost it? What kind of punishment is that? Uh-oh I don't like that look on his face. _Harry moved toward his uncle and took the bottle caps to the corner. He then put them on the floor.

"Now boy turn them upside down with the points facing up. Quickly now before I take you upstairs to give you a real punishment, one that will make you never forget to move when I say to. Now I want you to kneel on the bottle caps. And don't get off of them until I think the message has sunk through."

_What prayer? What is he talking about? Why is he making Harry kneel down on bottle caps? Why is this man so cruel? _Albus watched his favorite student do as told, and he heard him say in a monotonous tone.

"Dear god, help the Dursleys live with me, the freak. I know that I am unworthy of their love. They should not have to live with the burden that I cause. They took me in when no one wanted me. I am unnatural. I am no good. I will get what I deserve from them or someone else. I ask for you to help them teach me a lesson and send me to Hell, because when I die I know that I do not belong in Heaven with your Angels. Forgive me God, for being born. Amen."

_What a horrible man, to make a child learn, and say such a thing. How long has this been going on? Well, since day one it appears. I have to get him out of here. But how will get around the wards of protection that keep him safe. Will he be the solider I need him to be?_

Albus continued to watch the young man repeat the prayer over and over, while on his knees. When Harry started to falter, Dursley took a belt and gave him a sift hit in the back to keep Harry on task. After about two hours Vernon finally got tired of watching Harry.

"Get up, Boy and clean up the mess you made!" yelled the fat man. It took Harry several moments to get up off his knees. And, his slowness earned him a cuff on the back of the head.

"Hurry, it is time for me to lock you up for the night," said Dursley. Harry, as quickly as possible, followed his uncle up to his room. He locked the doors with pating advice, "If I hear you tonight, Boy, you will be sorry. You can guarantee your punishment will be painful."

Uncle Vernon finished with the last lock, and Harry was finally alone. _That was a harsh punishment. My knees are throbbing, and bleeding a little. I really hate that prayer. Oh well, they may hate me, but I am sure that I am loved somewhere, and by someone._ _Dumbledore hinted as much at the end of term. Oh well better start some homework._

Harry pulled his Potions book out and started reading his text. After a frustrating hour, he pushed away his book. He stared into space for a couple of minutes, then pulled out his parchment and started a letter. _I guess it is time for my weekly letter to The Order. Should I ask to leave yet, or wait until next week? I can't because I still have to see if Dumbledore will take me away._

Little did the boy know that the man he was thinking of was in the room with him, watching his every move. _The boy is amazing, I would have just fallen into my bed and tried to sleep, but here he is doing his homework. Hmmm, I wonder if his year mates could handle half of what Harry has to deal with when he is at home. I honestly do not think that anyone of them could._

Albus watched amazed as the boy continued to study and work until the wee hours of the morning. Around two the young man lay down to sleep. Just as the boy finally settled into a restful slumber, Albus' alarm went off to tell him that his twenty-four hours was up. Muttering a spell to gather his belongings, the weary headmaster gave a last look to his sleeping student. He canceled his spells of invisibility and silence. He whispered, "Goodnight, and sleep well, son. I hope one day you understand why I placed you here." Albus walked away from his bed, and made his decision. He disappeared not hearing Harry's nightmares beginning again.


	3. Chapter 3

"Life is not easy Mr. Potter. We all must do things in life that we do not want to," said the old coot. And so with that knowledge, an innocent soul dies, because knowledge is the bane of innocence. How can one be an innocent and naïve person knowing that what you once thought to be true has all been a lie? He had been lied to by the old man for five years. I once thought that I meant something to him. I believed the lie that he cared about me. I now know that all I am to him is a weapon. I have no opinions, no thoughts of my own. I am truly just a piece to a game that he hopes to win. Wiping the tears that were falling, Harry reached a conclusion. I am alone. No one can this war but me, and it is time that I live up to the Potter name. My father died protecting me. I am sure that he would be ashamed of me if he knew that I hid behind the Headmaster's robes like some terrified child, holding on to his mother's apron strings. I will no longer wait for anyone to help me ever again. I will never believe anyone when they say that they care for my well being. He stared out the window and repeated to himself the exact words the Headmaster told him.

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"Life is not easy Mr. Potter. We all must do things in life that we do not want to," said the old coot. Harry had just finished his daily chores, and had come back to his room. He was hoping to hear from the old man since his two weeks were up. But, Harry was not 100% sure that Dumbledore would honor his end of the deal. As he thought of what the old man said, Harry's hopes of being loved by someone were crushed. Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, finally believed the prayer. He realized that if the Headmaster had thought that he did not deserve the treatment of his relatives, then the old man would have come to the front door and made an attempt to frighten the so-called family that he lived with. But, when Albus magically and silently appeared in Harry's bedroom, the intent was crystal clear to Harry. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words, and it was as if Dumbledore was screaming, "Your happiness does not matter, only the outcome of the war matters." There was no mention of the abuse, both physical, and mental. There was no mention of the long, arduous days in the sun doing chores from sunup to sundown. The old man did not address the issue of starvation. He just uttered his two sentences, turned and silently disappeared.

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The look on Harry's face, when I told him that everyone must do some things in life that people do not want to, will forever haunt me. I feel like I have sealed his fate. At least, I now know that he will do what is necessary to survive. I feel like I have just killed two people. I have ensured that Tom Riddle will die, but I have murdered the most innocent soul alive. Albus turned to his phoenix and asked, "Fawkes, have I done the right thing by leaving him there to be turned into a warrior for the light?" The magnificent bird turned his back on the headmaster, gave a little cry and shook his plumed head. Albus said, "Well I made my decision and that is final. Tom must die." With that the old man pulled out a lemon drop and sat behind his desk and continued to repair the gadgets that Harry destroyed.


End file.
